Monthly Archives: October 2025

canım annem

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Hala vapurda seni düşünüyorum zor bir hayatımız oldu ..evet Kenanın evi var ailesi buralı ve varlıklı Ege de öyle sayılır ama ben babandan sonra hem hasta hem de parasız kaldım ve Londra 2bin dolarla 2çocuk ve mücadele malum sonradan babamın yardımı ile ev aldım borca girdim bu arada babanın bana nafaka borcu çok büyüktü ama ben onunla mücadele edecek güçte değilidim günlük geçinmek eşek gibi çalışıyordum sonra babamın ev için para verdiğini söyleyince zengin zamanında bir miktar katkıda bulundu okadar ! Tatil için İstanbula geldik yazın babam kalın dedi ve Kınalı sonrada Cihangir ! İş buldum babamın istediği mevkide bir şirkette herkes yolunda arada Londraya gideriz dedi sonra beklenmedik facia babam prostat ameliyatına girdi ve anestezi den bir hafta içinde öldü ! Herkes alt üst oldu ben elimizde babamın fabrikası ve işçileri ile kıdem tazminatı ödedik ki çok eski işçileri 35 sene gibi sattık fabrikayı malları ile zararına az bir para kaldı biz 3 kardeşe hatırlamıyorum tam aynı zamanda ben işi bırakmak zorunda kaldım Londraya gittim aylık taksitleri devam ödeyemediği için evi banka aldı yoksa babam sağ olsa idi ödeme devam edecekti . Kaldık mı biz yine parasız evsiz hadi ben bu defa daha çok kazanabileceğim iş restoran işine girdim ilk işim Cihangir Bilsak siz okula babandan tık yok o zaman para durumu iyi imiş duydum ama bize para yok ! Benim mücadelem sizi ve kendimi idare edecek kadar çalışarak geçti sonra sen Bostona gittin ben yine çalışıyordum Zavrnle tanıştım sonrası malum birlikte Beylerbryi sonrası adadaki evi birlikte aldık 15 sene önce . Ben önce emekli oldum tahminen 4 sene önce sonra da Zaven yani oğlum bu bir özetti şimdi emeklilik maaşı ile geçinmeye çalışıyoruz bu ekonomik krizde ev vergisi kulüp aidatları ecnimisi vergisi çoğu şey taksitler ve kart . Anlayacağın oğlum ben hiçbir zaman zengin olamadım sadece çalışarak geçirdim hayatımı şimdi elde bu ev sadece çünkü benim hayatımın büyük bölümü burada geçmedi ve aileden de olmayınca sonuç bu ama çok şükür hala ayaktayım yanındayım arkandayım gücüm yettiği kadar sana güveniyorum inanıyorum sende bu zor günleri atlatacaksın. Biliyorum sen çok küçükken benim mücadelem başladı sende bu zorluklarımın içinde yeteri kadar benden kusursuz bir anne olabileceğimi düşünemezsin çok hatalarım eksiklerim oldu mutlaka ama hep çok uğraştım olabildigi kadar . Seni çok seviyorum canım biricik oğlum benim ! 82 yaşına girdim çok şükür aklım başımda ayaktayım yanındayım arkandayım. Senin de sanatına sonsuz saygım var ve yakında yeni bir işin yeni bir özel çok güzel beraberliğin olacağına inanıyorum. Dualarım da fıifty için inşallah o da iyileşecek


I’m still thinking of you on the ferry… We’ve had a hard life.
Yes, Kenan has a house, his family is from here and well-off. Ege too, more or less.
But after your father, I was left both sick and broke. And London — with two kids and only two thousand dollars — you can imagine the struggle. Later, with my father’s help, I bought a house and went into debt.
Meanwhile, your father owed me a lot in alimony, but I didn’t have the strength to fight him for it — I was just working like a mule to get by day to day.
Then, when my father said he’d helped me with the house, your father contributed a small amount during his good financial days — that’s all!
We came to Istanbul for vacation one summer; my father said, “Stay,” so we stayed — first Kınalı, then Cihangir.
I found a job at a company in the position my father wanted for me. Everything seemed fine — he said we’d go to London from time to time.
Then came the unexpected tragedy: my father had prostate surgery, and within a week he died from the anesthesia.
Everything collapsed. I was left to handle his factory, the workers, and paying severance to long-time employees — some had been there 35 years. We sold the factory and its assets at a loss, and only a small amount was left to the three of us.
At the same time, I had to quit my job and go back to London. Because I couldn’t keep up with the monthly payments, the bank took the house. If my father had still been alive, the payments would have continued.
So there we were again — broke and without a home.
This time, I went into restaurant work, where I could earn a bit more. My first job was at Bilsak in Cihangir.
You were in school then — nothing from your father, even though I heard he was doing well financially at that time.
My whole struggle was about keeping us going, just managing.
Then you went to Boston. I was still working.
I met Zaven — you know the rest — we lived together in Beylerbeyi, and then we bought the house on the island together about 15 years ago.
I retired first, about four years ago, and then Zaven — my son.
That’s the summary.
Now we’re trying to live on my pension in this economic crisis, with property tax, club fees, environmental taxes, most things on installments or credit cards.
As you can see, my son, I was never rich — I only lived by working.
Now all I have left is this house, because most of my life wasn’t spent here, and since there’s no family wealth, this is the result.
But thank God, I’m still standing, still by your side, still behind you.
I trust you, I believe in you — you will get through these hard times.
I know that my struggles began when you were very young, and under those conditions, I couldn’t have been a perfect mother to you.
I made many mistakes, I had many shortcomings, but I always tried — as much as I could.
I love you very much, my dear, my only son.
I’m 82 now, thank God I still have my mind, I’m still standing, by your side, behind you.
I have endless respect for your art, and I believe that soon you’ll have a new job and a wonderful new relationship.
You’re always in my prayers — and Fifty too, I hope she gets better.



















I know, Mom… I was aware of how much you struggled when I was little…
That’s why I never understood why Tacha, even though she’s an only child too, never seemed to understand you or appreciate how much you did for her. She’s always treated you badly — I still can’t make sense of it.
And I never blamed you for anything.
I started working in high school anyway… I’ve taken care of myself since then.
Kenan and Ege — their families were well-off, life was always easier for them.
But after all these years, our situations are just different — we’ll keep fighting with what we have.
I never expected anything from you, Mom… I know your situation very well, and I know you’re doing everything you can.
If it weren’t for you, there’d be no one checking in, asking, or caring.
I just wish I had been more successful by this age, that I could’ve supported you and Zaven instead.
But you know… my artist soul never really allowed that.
For years I worked in advertising out of necessity — but always unhappily.
Anyway, let me take care of these current things first…
Then I’ll find a job, don’t worry.
I love you so much, Mom.
I’m so grateful you’re in my life.
Please don’t be sad.
Love you.